New Hires Must Embody School “Spirit”

By R. U. Hi-Ring
Staff Writer

Due to the recent discovery of falsified credentials by a member of the CSS faculty, stricter hiring practices have been put in place by Beth Domholdt and the department of Academic Affairs.
Candidates for employment at the College will be held to the highest standards in regard to a number of categories. Many will attempt to pass the rigorous tests and few will succeed.
“The measures we are taking will ensure that only the most qualified of candidates will be hired,” said Domholdt. “We won’t let ‘you-know-what’ that occurred with ‘you-know-whom’ ever happen again.
“The tests we’ve put in place exemplify the qualities of a great professor.”
These ‘tests’ Domholdt speaks of will put candidates

through a college triathlon of sorts. Not only will their mental prowess be tested, but their physical and spiritual capacities as well.
“We’re really looking for well-rounded candidates here, not like…um…well…next question,” said Domholdt.
The triathlon obviously consists of three events.
The first is a beer pong game against President Larry Goodwin. Goodwin, the national beer pong champ for five years running, is ready to bring his A-game.
“We only want the best here at St. Scholastica,” said Goodwin. “If a candidate can’t compete with me in beer pong, then they have no right to be a member of this community.”
The second event is a race with Al Nephew, Philosophy chair. Nephew is CSS’ resident

Student Homelessness on the Rise

By Frank Lee
Contributing Writer

It wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time everyone was granted equal housing rights at this college. Now, with the shortage of on-campus housing and the school’s refusal to aid students in securing homes off-campus, the homeless population at CSS has skyrocketed.
Hidden near the creek bed, studying for exams or huddled on the bottom of Tower’s steps praying for brighter weather, the homeless students on this campus are simply trying to survive the cold month of April. These

students face two dilemmas: surviving their academic careers and enduring Duluth’s relentless elements without a home.
“One almost touched me the other day,” said freshman Ima Domblond. “It reached out its hand and said something about insincerity or something, so I ran away.”
Covered in the dirt shoveled by the school, homeless students have continued to protest their right to live on campus. But in this last year, CSS has given hundreds of students the boot from its scholastic walls.

Students have taken to sleeping outside around campus because of the lack of student housing. Here, senior Sarah Lammi sleeps near the entrance to Tower Hall. Photo by Dorothea Lange